Showing posts with label USA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label USA. Show all posts
On stage embarrassment for Coldplay in Philadelphia
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| Chris Martin suffering extreme heat exhaustion in Philadelphia |
Representatives from the venue concerned made the following statement: 'We absolutely didn't see this coming. We think the aircon suffered in the Red Hot Chilli Peppers' gig last week. Those guys were giving off a lot of heat.' Local hospitals report that more than two hundred fans that attended the RHCP event were treated for minor burns or heat stroke.
Coldplay's manager, Phil Harvey, has cancelled the remaining concerts in the U.S. and ordered the surviving members of the band to go on holiday to Greenland.
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| Flee (Red Hot Chili Peppers) is believed to be responsible for 0.03% of global warming. |
Antagonistic Atlantic
A man from the U.S. says, 'He/she blew me off,' with a long face and sad eyes. The European looks sceptically at the speaker for a few minutes and finally asks, 'And that was a bad thing, was it?'
Clarifiaction for the confused:
U.S: Being blown off means being stood up: someone not arriving at a date.
EUR: Being blown off not only implies that the person turned up for the date but that it was an enormous success because it lead to receiving oral sex.
Clarifiaction for the confused:
U.S: Being blown off means being stood up: someone not arriving at a date.
EUR: Being blown off not only implies that the person turned up for the date but that it was an enormous success because it lead to receiving oral sex.
A conversation around Pennsylvania
Burgh: Would you lend me your Pennsylvania?
Vania: You're the Pittsburgh, you never remember anything!
Burgh: Quite Franklin, I don't agree. Only last week you ate half of my Philadelphia because you'd forgotten your lunch.
Vania: OK, OK! Corry about that, I'm a bit edgy coz Arnold's getting on my nerves, again. Grab your Coatesville, let's eat out!
Burgh: Chester minute, I'll finish this and I'll be right with you.
Vania: Harrisburg! We'll miss the bus!
Burgh: I think we should walk, I'm worried about my Carbondale footprint.
Vania: OK, we'll go to King of Prussia, it's cheap and it's close.
(later)
Waiter: Can I take your order, please?
Vania: I'll have the Aliquippa, please.
Burgh: And I'll have the green salad Altoona, please
Waiter: I'm sorry, sir, we have no tuna today.
Burgh: What a Shamokin! Well, make it the chicken DuBois, then.
Waiter: Anything to drink?
Vania: We'll have a bottle of Hermitage 2006, please.
Burgh: Sorry, Vania, I'm off the alcohol, I'm taking medication. Make mine a Nanticoke, please.
Vania: I'll have a Scranton lite, then, please, ice and lemon.
(Waiter leaves)
Vania: What's up with you?
Burgh: Oh, nothing much, got an infection in my Lower Burrell, antibiotics for two weeks.
Vania: That doesn't Sunbury pleasant to me.
Burgh (abruptly changing the subject): Don't look now but Jeanette Beaver's just walked in with Mr. Wilkes Barre, do you think they're up to a bit of Williamsport?
Vania: I wouldn't be suprised, Beaver Falls for anything that smells of megadollars.
Burgh: But he's Erie and besides look at his hair: Oil City! Apparently, he tried to Lock Haven in the paper cupboard last week and I heard from Lancaster that he's into McKeesport.
Vania: These rich people always are, I bet he'll take her to his New Castle and try to Monongahela from behind.
Burgh: What, you mean Parker in the Warren? Do you think he still can at his age?
Vania: Well, Beaver's no St Marys herself and I woudn't define her behind as Titusville, either, so it won't be too hard. Eat your Greensburg, they'll do you good!
Burgh: If I were her, I'd give myself a thorough Washington after a night of Uniontown with him.
Vania: I don't know if it'd be so bad, I'd go to Lebanon with him if he promised to buy me a New Kensington.
Burgh: York kidding!
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